Letter to my soulcrusher

No asylum for my feelings I can’t be emotional

I’m a pariah when I tell the truth

You want my lies It’s so personal

And I take things too personal Feeling like everything is costing me my life

Seems like no matter what I try to do, all that hard effort will end in my strife

And it ain’t right like cheap vodka no chaser

Emotions bitter flavored and it makes me scrunch my face up

Too heavy too loud no rock concerts

No grins no smiles my feelings too hurt

Let me insert

I think it’s funny how…

Head tilted up

This ain’t no meme You got me messed up

You say I’m acting tough or too non-chalant

But when I act a fool suddenly I’m the crazy one

I hope you having fun killin me

You’d kick me off a cliff and write my eulogy with entitled audacity

Why not let me be me with no apologies?

It’s a real question

Instead you walking around like you feelin me

Long as things are good for you, you keep forgettin me

This is epitome of how I don’t want to be

I just want my life journey to be a good one

But my soul can’t breathe

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I got issues

No way to negate those feelings for things past
I’m reeling
Increasing unrealistic
The pain lasts
My mindset from back then keeps my bags packs
Don’t trust nobody
Can’t relax
Nobody understands I miss my dogtags
Uniformity was my only setback
Didn’t understand what ease I had
Never knew I was making things difficult
Just didn’t wanna be typical
Wanted to be my type
Thought rainbow was just right
Didn’t cure my headaches
Didn’t soothe my insides
I looked cool but I felt crazy
My goals in life are more than a little hazy
I’d love to say that it don’t phase me
But it breaks my heart
The discord, it pains me
Makes me feel obligated to explain things
But the trouble is I can’t pair the words together right
Everyday is disoriented
I can’t even sleep at night
I wish I had it together
But I guess I got issues

Just A Hug

I miss you even though you’re standing right there
We’re a million miles in separate directions leading to nowhere
We’re reaching out grabbing fists full of air
We’re reaching out because we don’t know what else to do

We’re seeking solace
Just need a piece
Just need contact
Not restless sleep

It’s definitely my fault
I let you go
You asked for love and I said no
I had your bags packed
I was so ready
Didn’t want reminders of you
But you were everywhere

Trying not to think of you
But you’re still standing there
A monolith that maidens hang flowers on
The picture of joy and gaiety
I want you to hate me
Because it haunts me
The truth
That you loved me and still do

Whatever wrongs there were
I can’t dwell on
What could’ve been makes me cry
Life was concrete and I fell on it
I played cool about it because I knew why

I put popularity over my happiness
I threw away forever for something temporary
And gratification was so instant that it was gone in an instant
And my craving was so insistent
I plowed through the beds of my choosing
If alcohol and sex were drugs
I was using

I was abusing
I was abused
I was damaged
I wanted to be used
I didn’t feel like a person
I thought it all had to be a dream
Or a nightmare where everyone was insincere and mean

You were in my corner
Even though I pierced your soul
You stood tall although I knew you couldn’t possibly be whole
Nobody compared

Silly me
I compared them all to you
And they failed
Miserably
And I put them all out of their misery
But of course having done that
There was no comfort for me
I was in a bad place
And you couldn’t save me

I had to save myself
And you couldn’t pay me to wrinkle time
I could never undo anything that was done anyway
We are who are because of it
And we know life is not a black cloud that we’re stuck in
Though it seems like we’re looking at each other from separate universes
And we’re reaching in
For us, just a hug would be amazing

Misinformation

All that glitter ain’t gold
And I don’t give a damn what he say she say
There ain’t no realness to be told
And honestly that is the problem these days
We got honesty and courage on hold
Wishing for a big payday
T-H-O-T
What the hell is that anyway?
Girls looking for a sucka on Instagram
Trying to earn a spot on Love and Hip-Hop
Aspiring to be side chicks now
Disillusioned figuring we never first anyhow
Unless it’s first in line to be shot down
Like enemy planes
And isn’t it strange that black men are also overseas fighting in American ranks?
But are the first to be dehumanized like automatons with clockwork cranks
Because the dark man must be preprogrammed to steal, kill, and destroy like the fallen angel
And I know of a few psychotic men and they were not all black
Think again
Reevaluate the profiles
For if you think all sociopaths are white and all thugs are black you are in denial
And it’ s poison from all sides so I can’t take sides
The things we all believe ingrained in us like idiosyncrasies
Black kids taught not to trust the police
And the police trained not to trust me
So who’s protecting us if ya’ll the ones shooting?
That’s why people are scared, outraged, and protesting
Both sides need to spit out the bullcrap they’re ingesting
Why do we need to reignite war in America?
If everybody would do what’s right that would kill the hysteria
Especially if they would unslant the media
We could write American next to peace on Wikipedia
It would be he said she said nothing but the truth
And the worse thing going on would be misunderstood youth
Think about it from an impartial perspective
You’ll see we all have screwed up opinions on what’s defective

It is normal for children to play and feel safe
It is not normal to fight in the streets
It is not normal to hate a person for breathing
It shouldn’t be normal to sexualize young girls
It shouldn’t be normal for fathers to teach their sons that they are already displaced in this world

Think about it.