Problematic

Problematic I would be if people got a hold of me

I’m not sure what they would see wrought with fear and jealousy

No colorblind men

We’re taught to hate

We cover it up

Pretend to relate

And we hate ourselves too

Expecting to be handed an I love you

But continue to have judgment on the menu

And who knows how we’ll fall when God calls us out on it all

We’re selective

We’ve got extremely skewed perspectives

And ain’t no amount of electives gon teach us

We holla “work together” then we put it beneath us

Because the hate make it hard to get ahead

And reality makes it hard to lie in bed

Admitting that our free world is really not a great battle of good and evil

There are the decisions of a few

Opinions of a great many

We could argue payroll and how they’ll take every penny

Our religious hang-ups

Preoccupations with sex

Denial of real issues one generation to the next

Hell’s highway forged in blood

Someone’s mother shedding tears

Every decade it gets harder to celebrate living

It’s all about having

Not breathing

Certainly not giving

But who can afford to give a dollar away when they’re living above their means anyway

I’m constantly just trying to get by

I know it’s problematic

Constantly trying not to panic

I’m bipolar

Can’t keep my moods in check

Feelings carefree for second

Then up to my neck in problems in the next

So be forgiving if I don’t pay attention half the time to the world’s problems

I can’t even solve my own

I see the headlines and I’m angry and I feel hopeless

I don’t want to know this

But everyone sees the black on my skin

I can hide my feelings but I can’t hold the color in

And it’s supposed to make me act some kind of way

I don’t know how

I don’t even have rhythm and I didn’t listen to any rap today

I’ve always been the oddball

I like books better than people

They don’t stereotype me or compete with me either

Why can’t we exist without having to be best

I’m down with ambitious but give the competition a rest

I can’t have no friends because they are Joneses I gotta keep up with

When I really just wanna see what’ s up with

Watch some anime and share a couple of shots with

But I gotta cinch my waist and beat the down the gym door

Do my squats everyday, and cardio in the early morning

And going to work is like a period of mourning

And going to school chasing the big bucks is my current struggle

And I know it’s been sung in song

But I’ll say it again

People just can’t be real so no new friends

Makes life boring

But drama these days is so corny

When even minding your business can incite calamity

Seems like the whole world is problematic

What I am What I should be

I’m always getting anxiety about the forces that be trying to make me something that I’m not
But what if what I’m not is what I should be?
I’m always dreaming of apostrophes and sometimes I think they own me
Almighty dollar is what’s wrong with me
Bill paying prolongs the disease
I chase the flicker of the green that comes from machines hoping to see more green outside my window
All I ever notice is the dim light of daybreak and before I know it, night has swallowed me
My body aches and becomes heavy hoping for rest but I am one of many weary ones
I can’t afford to sleep
I guiltily nap on my days off feeling as though I’m missing something that might pay off
I neglect family for homework due
I drag into work
I drag into school
People say stay encouraged
What else can I do?
I just keep on going
I choose not to choose
And should I fall into blissful sleep
I hope it’s not all in vain and I wake up to that which I seek
And I really hope I have become what I should be

Success at Defeat

I really do want to be successful
Thoughts of failure paralyze me
Excuses continuously immobilize me
I become the loser that never started
The finish line seems impossible to reach
I tell others to keep trying but I don’t practice what I preach
I think what if I get started and I’m a little too slow?
What if I’m not as good as I think I am?
I’ve yet to try hard enough to know
I struggle with what I imagine others think of me
Really I should modify my thoughts of myself
I try to tear back the façade I put up
But I end up running back into hiding
Feeling there is no use in confiding in anyone
I am a self made island
I’m afraid of setting sail to a new world
Even though I really wish I could be successful