Bad Dream (Part I)

I dreamed about it because it really happened

Reality insistent

It just came crashing

We knew all the dangers but just dived in

Forever altering our ability to ever be friends

Volkswagen didn’t make this so no take backs

No safety features

There was no party but I promise you we raised our Jesus pieces

My sadness was on overflow

May as well have been rape for the toll it took

No victim comparison

It happened to me too but that’s a story for another book

He said I could not be his baby’s mama

And for some reason I agreed I had no right to demand a life for his seed

Silly me the murderer because I was too weak

Didn’t wanna face the music

The whole talk was so cheap

We created a ghost that would follow me through years

We created a ghost that would talk to me in my sleep

And you will say I had choices

But let me tell you about choices

No matter which one you choose you still hear voices

And that word hoe that people throw around

I became fine with it

Must be because they liked me

I went to town with it

I was so hot even the girls liked me

Yet my best time was with the fifth of Hennessy in my drawer

I wanted everything that happened behind closed doors to be outdoors before

But after that thing happened I wasn’t happy anymore

Deep down there was a sadness whittling a perfect hole in my heart

And everything around me just happened but I didn’t feel I was part of it

I found things to destroy

My life mostly

Without my daughter to live for hell would be toasting me right now

Had I known trauma would be inbound because one day out of my life

I might’ve stopped I might’ve thought

And brought the probability of this particular bad dream to a halt

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Feel

Pasts full of things

Houses full of stuff

Monuments to the dust

Destinies we seek full of material lust

Because flesh is weak

Hearts close over time

Our spirits thrash about as we decay

We avoid pain and dull our minds

We become oblivious to the signs of life

We are computerized

We run on automatic

We wake up

We work

We suck up all our fears and insecurities

We sometimes forget what really matters

We sleep with depression

We sleep after exhaustion

We sleep until years have passed by and we are no longer who we used to be

Some of us want badly to leave a footprint, the rest don’t even walk

With memories we can’t delete and blood pumping instead of wires

We can feel

And if we can feel we can always feel better

The past and stuff doesn’t matter