Silent Treatment

My breath gets caught in my chest when I look into your eyes at times Your eyes that smile and scowl as if independent from the rest of your face. You can condemn me without words. You can tell me you love me with a glance. The sound of your voice is a bonus but your silence is a curse that cuts The touch of your lips can soothe the sting of the wound it causes but love and understanding is the only real cure Your sincerity would give you the prayer to pray that would hide both our hearts from the dreaded silence that erodes the progress that we brave our own minds for My sincerity keeps me here swiftly bowing in what I hope is not too long of an apology for not being as kind as possible

Late Admission

I was on IG today when I realized what’s going on

It hit me why I never erased your number from my phone

I loved you once

I was into you but the truth it pisses me off because I thought

I moved on from you

Swore I did

Ignored your phone calls to prove it

But still it’s like you parked your car on my heart and never moved it

As soon as I see you with somebody smiling, It hits me

I never made you smile like that

And it gets me

because I think maybe I never knew you

or maybe I’m missing out on the new you

So I’m parading around like I’m the new black

Heart heavy with feelings I’m trying hold back

Never expected to be hung up like that

but your face is a trigger

Making me act distracted like I had no reaction

Can’t give you the satisfaction though that smile pervades my private place

my personal space

Making vivid memories that won’t erase

My conscious remote

I press fast forward

My mind tries to move me

My heart needs a lawyer

It’s guilty as ever of betraying me

I never got over you Iike I tried to believe

A Desperation

To be human is to be desperate and I desperately need to be loved

I feel like the ignorance and hatefulness around me will swallow me up

So every morning I try harder even though it seems all the good slips further away

It could be all these rainy days making me long for warmth

It could be a viral sadness suffocating me slowly

But bottom line is I feel this desperation to live

I want a little more than existence

I want a little more than brief friendships and briefer courtships

Understand the salvation of a soul

Understand the tangle of a brilliant mind

Foggy, Exhausted, nearly wasted potential

It’s pathetic that holding hands is not a significant moment in most people’s lives

Much less realizing the extent of love for someone else before they’re gone

Staying In Love

We’d reach across  galaxies if that’s what it took
Just to interlock hands and give each other the look
Just to smile at each other about our inside joke
To show love to each other we do the most
It doesn’t matter  how tired or how busy you always take time to tell me you miss me
I always have time to have your back
And I often imagine you kissing me
If it ever seems like I’m too distracted please don’t  have a bad reaction 
Please never stop reaching because every now and then I come undone
I’ll always grab your hand so we can walk this life together
You’ve been here all this time so I guess I can imagine forever 

The World I See

Pander to the violins not to crush my dreams
Lets the drums roll like thunder to announce my coming of age
It came in stages unlike my foolishness that prevailed all at once
The sun broke my cloudy exterior
I can see the outside world for what it is now
It is not the playground I imagined
It is not quite the war torn desolation I read about
It is a land that is paradise for some and a nightmare for others
Where mothers cry at the funerals of their sons
And people are rewarded for mediocrity
But sometimes…
Good prevails
Love conquers hearts
And children cause old men to remember their imaginations
Producing laughter not originating from madness but from joy deep in their bellies

Becoming the Writer

This was the trouble
I wanted to make a song
But I ain’t have no rhythm
And I couldn’t sang
And I couldn’t dance
And so I wrote
Starting telling some stories
Glancing over my glasses
Got passionate for it and took a few classes
Started to share
Started to talk
Seems writing was my thang
The ideas wouldn’t halt
The ink flow was continuous
It was love
It was discontent
It was turnt up
It was drunk
It was calm
It got delirious sometimes
The ebb
The flow
Spoke to hundreds sometimes
Reading my thoughts is going along for a ride
Sometimes I’m too tame to be a roller coaster
I am the 86 Cadillac Deville going 85 on the freeway
Destination real no leeway
Hoping seizing the day is still in
Because before I was scared to go all in
I cared about so many insignificant opinions
I was listening to haters one,two, and they minions
Thinking I needed friends that could really get me
Them fakers got me
That wannabe thing was not me
That writing about things going on was all me
And yes if you’ve met me you’re part of my story
Whether naysaying or encouraging
Well that’s your convo with Jesus
For those of us trying to make it
I sure hope he sees us

Signs of life

Life is all our dreams and nightmares

We never wake up until someone appears that cares

We never really live until we love

Even then we never know how truly majestic breathing is until we suffer

When we suffer, the arms that we fall into may lead us astray

But the love of a true friend could always save us

I know I ain’t brave

Sometimes I think everything I’ve ever done is a mistake and everything I’ve accumulated is fake

What intangible quality have I acquired when I feel like I can’t have the things I desire?

My anger and anxiety could set the world on fire

But my, my, couldn’t I burn the image of my smile into the minds of every human being

If only I could just consistently do it

But tragedy befalls the beautiful dreamer if they never wake up

Only mourners follow and only to feel self important

In life my dreams may be nothing to the next man

Most don’t have time to try to understand

So feel amazing if you do find a soul out there that wants to celebrate birthdays with you

That wants to find a way to make everyday like the first

So random that it couldn’t be rehearsed

Crazy enough to make you feel so near and dear

Constantly performing magic to make relief reappear should life become a hurricane