Letter to my soulcrusher

No asylum for my feelings I can’t be emotional

I’m a pariah when I tell the truth

You want my lies It’s so personal

And I take things too personal Feeling like everything is costing me my life

Seems like no matter what I try to do, all that hard effort will end in my strife

And it ain’t right like cheap vodka no chaser

Emotions bitter flavored and it makes me scrunch my face up

Too heavy too loud no rock concerts

No grins no smiles my feelings too hurt

Let me insert

I think it’s funny how…

Head tilted up

This ain’t no meme You got me messed up

You say I’m acting tough or too non-chalant

But when I act a fool suddenly I’m the crazy one

I hope you having fun killin me

You’d kick me off a cliff and write my eulogy with entitled audacity

Why not let me be me with no apologies?

It’s a real question

Instead you walking around like you feelin me

Long as things are good for you, you keep forgettin me

This is epitome of how I don’t want to be

I just want my life journey to be a good one

But my soul can’t breathe


Letting go of stuff

I feel like throwing out the majority of my stuff and just starting over
I have stacks of plates for non existent guests and clothes for parties I never go to
I mean man I can’t even do what I’m supposed to with these things that take up space
They just hold me in place and then they’ll just turn to dust as I hold on to them
But then again people write stories that turn into books in boxes
And boxes are full of memories, some sharp, some faded
A good chunk of those boxes get shoved in a dark corner until forgotten or until someone opens it and gets a papercut

Success at Defeat

I really do want to be successful
Thoughts of failure paralyze me
Excuses continuously immobilize me
I become the loser that never started
The finish line seems impossible to reach
I tell others to keep trying but I don’t practice what I preach
I think what if I get started and I’m a little too slow?
What if I’m not as good as I think I am?
I’ve yet to try hard enough to know
I struggle with what I imagine others think of me
Really I should modify my thoughts of myself
I try to tear back the façade I put up
But I end up running back into hiding
Feeling there is no use in confiding in anyone
I am a self made island
I’m afraid of setting sail to a new world
Even though I really wish I could be successful