This was the trouble
I wanted to make a song
But I ain’t have no rhythm
And I couldn’t sang
And I couldn’t dance
And so I wrote
Starting telling some stories
Glancing over my glasses
Got passionate for it and took a few classes
Started to share
Started to talk
Seems writing was my thang
The ideas wouldn’t halt
The ink flow was continuous
It was love
It was discontent
It was turnt up
It was drunk
It was calm
It got delirious sometimes
The ebb
The flow
Spoke to hundreds sometimes
Reading my thoughts is going along for a ride
Sometimes I’m too tame to be a roller coaster
I am the 86 Cadillac Deville going 85 on the freeway
Destination real no leeway
Hoping seizing the day is still in
Because before I was scared to go all in
I cared about so many insignificant opinions
I was listening to haters one,two, and they minions
Thinking I needed friends that could really get me
Them fakers got me
That wannabe thing was not me
That writing about things going on was all me
And yes if you’ve met me you’re part of my story
Whether naysaying or encouraging
Well that’s your convo with Jesus
For those of us trying to make it
I sure hope he sees us
emotions
Falling
I’m falling
Flailing towards the bottom
Friends around I’ve got them
Turning like leaves in autumn
Ignoring my trail of tears that has surpassed my path
Not preventing me from laughing just to be laughing
Nothing is funny
My act is just intact
I’m excelling in class
Feeling like I’m still dead last
The world is too vast for me to imagine my future is not some narrow channel in time
The only thing sure is my future is mine
The choices are mine
And if you can fathom being stuck in a corner
Notebook and pen with no real prompt for your life to begin
You’re watching the party
No inclination to join in
Not sure you’ll ever have a reason to celebrate
Quite sure together is not a thing you can communicate
Especially when solitude is all you can relate to
Friendships pattern, a bunch of mistakes who keep popping up out of the woodworks
Reminding me of things that still hurt
I remember being naïve and believing words
Affected by people and things they’ve heard
I wasn’t even trying to be special
I hoped to disappear
Now I have to remind people that I’m here
Here in the flesh
Thrashing about
Making a mess
Sharing my feelings with people I’ve never met
Until the whole world knows the rhythm of my beating heart
Maybe then I will land
Perhaps even gently