A Desperation

To be human is to be desperate and I desperately need to be loved

I feel like the ignorance and hatefulness around me will swallow me up

So every morning I try harder even though it seems all the good slips further away

It could be all these rainy days making me long for warmth

It could be a viral sadness suffocating me slowly

But bottom line is I feel this desperation to live

I want a little more than existence

I want a little more than brief friendships and briefer courtships

Understand the salvation of a soul

Understand the tangle of a brilliant mind

Foggy, Exhausted, nearly wasted potential

It’s pathetic that holding hands is not a significant moment in most people’s lives

Much less realizing the extent of love for someone else before they’re gone

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Staying In Love

We’d reach across  galaxies if that’s what it took
Just to interlock hands and give each other the look
Just to smile at each other about our inside joke
To show love to each other we do the most
It doesn’t matter  how tired or how busy you always take time to tell me you miss me
I always have time to have your back
And I often imagine you kissing me
If it ever seems like I’m too distracted please don’t  have a bad reaction 
Please never stop reaching because every now and then I come undone
I’ll always grab your hand so we can walk this life together
You’ve been here all this time so I guess I can imagine forever 

What I am What I should be

I’m always getting anxiety about the forces that be trying to make me something that I’m not
But what if what I’m not is what I should be?
I’m always dreaming of apostrophes and sometimes I think they own me
Almighty dollar is what’s wrong with me
Bill paying prolongs the disease
I chase the flicker of the green that comes from machines hoping to see more green outside my window
All I ever notice is the dim light of daybreak and before I know it, night has swallowed me
My body aches and becomes heavy hoping for rest but I am one of many weary ones
I can’t afford to sleep
I guiltily nap on my days off feeling as though I’m missing something that might pay off
I neglect family for homework due
I drag into work
I drag into school
People say stay encouraged
What else can I do?
I just keep on going
I choose not to choose
And should I fall into blissful sleep
I hope it’s not all in vain and I wake up to that which I seek
And I really hope I have become what I should be

The World I See

Pander to the violins not to crush my dreams
Lets the drums roll like thunder to announce my coming of age
It came in stages unlike my foolishness that prevailed all at once
The sun broke my cloudy exterior
I can see the outside world for what it is now
It is not the playground I imagined
It is not quite the war torn desolation I read about
It is a land that is paradise for some and a nightmare for others
Where mothers cry at the funerals of their sons
And people are rewarded for mediocrity
But sometimes…
Good prevails
Love conquers hearts
And children cause old men to remember their imaginations
Producing laughter not originating from madness but from joy deep in their bellies

New Song Familiar Tune

New year
New fear
Old excuses, New uses
Wet tissues, Well tuned violins
Low on money but got some friends Some like sisters, brothers too
But others too sexy
Polar pull
Wanna be the opposite of the young me with no confidence
Action my providence
Perseverance is solving this global warming of my atmosphere
Cooling it off because it hot in here Running out of time to make moves Gotta just do something without having something to prove
Without worry about what the next person gon do
Just wanna show up and eyes light up like oh it’s you!
Happy that I’m breathing
Dreams living
Double teaming the harsh reality we living
Arms still open and giving
Never letting the doors of my heart close
Like opening the doors to the church and never turning up my nose
New year
New decision on a different note
And now a selection from the choir They know

Letting go of stuff

I feel like throwing out the majority of my stuff and just starting over
I have stacks of plates for non existent guests and clothes for parties I never go to
I mean man I can’t even do what I’m supposed to with these things that take up space
They just hold me in place and then they’ll just turn to dust as I hold on to them
But then again people write stories that turn into books in boxes
And boxes are full of memories, some sharp, some faded
A good chunk of those boxes get shoved in a dark corner until forgotten or until someone opens it and gets a papercut

I got issues

No way to negate those feelings for things past
I’m reeling
Increasing unrealistic
The pain lasts
My mindset from back then keeps my bags packs
Don’t trust nobody
Can’t relax
Nobody understands I miss my dogtags
Uniformity was my only setback
Didn’t understand what ease I had
Never knew I was making things difficult
Just didn’t wanna be typical
Wanted to be my type
Thought rainbow was just right
Didn’t cure my headaches
Didn’t soothe my insides
I looked cool but I felt crazy
My goals in life are more than a little hazy
I’d love to say that it don’t phase me
But it breaks my heart
The discord, it pains me
Makes me feel obligated to explain things
But the trouble is I can’t pair the words together right
Everyday is disoriented
I can’t even sleep at night
I wish I had it together
But I guess I got issues