Letter to my soulcrusher

No asylum for my feelings I can’t be emotional

I’m a pariah when I tell the truth

You want my lies It’s so personal

And I take things too personal Feeling like everything is costing me my life

Seems like no matter what I try to do, all that hard effort will end in my strife

And it ain’t right like cheap vodka no chaser

Emotions bitter flavored and it makes me scrunch my face up

Too heavy too loud no rock concerts

No grins no smiles my feelings too hurt

Let me insert

I think it’s funny how…

Head tilted up

This ain’t no meme You got me messed up

You say I’m acting tough or too non-chalant

But when I act a fool suddenly I’m the crazy one

I hope you having fun killin me

You’d kick me off a cliff and write my eulogy with entitled audacity

Why not let me be me with no apologies?

It’s a real question

Instead you walking around like you feelin me

Long as things are good for you, you keep forgettin me

This is epitome of how I don’t want to be

I just want my life journey to be a good one

But my soul can’t breathe

It’s Not Them It’s You

The world is not against you I promise it’s just a few In your world you may feel all alone You couldn’t trust yourself if you needed to You murder your own confidence and there is no one that can resurrect it Until you get over your hang ups you have no choice except to accept your position Walking around with a hole in your heart but nothing is really missing Your path to greatness is just beyond your self doubt There’s something urging you to move forward but you won’t listen You looking for love in the face of the wrong things not realizing that you’re creating a distance You’re no caged bird You won’t even sing I’d ask you to fly but are you listening? You could be but a flutter of beautiful wings but you’re stuck trying to be seen But baby, fame won’t come when it’s invited No one will catch you being kind because everyone simply needs Even you…

The World I See

Pander to the violins not to crush my dreams
Lets the drums roll like thunder to announce my coming of age
It came in stages unlike my foolishness that prevailed all at once
The sun broke my cloudy exterior
I can see the outside world for what it is now
It is not the playground I imagined
It is not quite the war torn desolation I read about
It is a land that is paradise for some and a nightmare for others
Where mothers cry at the funerals of their sons
And people are rewarded for mediocrity
But sometimes…
Good prevails
Love conquers hearts
And children cause old men to remember their imaginations
Producing laughter not originating from madness but from joy deep in their bellies

I got issues

No way to negate those feelings for things past
I’m reeling
Increasing unrealistic
The pain lasts
My mindset from back then keeps my bags packs
Don’t trust nobody
Can’t relax
Nobody understands I miss my dogtags
Uniformity was my only setback
Didn’t understand what ease I had
Never knew I was making things difficult
Just didn’t wanna be typical
Wanted to be my type
Thought rainbow was just right
Didn’t cure my headaches
Didn’t soothe my insides
I looked cool but I felt crazy
My goals in life are more than a little hazy
I’d love to say that it don’t phase me
But it breaks my heart
The discord, it pains me
Makes me feel obligated to explain things
But the trouble is I can’t pair the words together right
Everyday is disoriented
I can’t even sleep at night
I wish I had it together
But I guess I got issues

Signs of life

Life is all our dreams and nightmares

We never wake up until someone appears that cares

We never really live until we love

Even then we never know how truly majestic breathing is until we suffer

When we suffer, the arms that we fall into may lead us astray

But the love of a true friend could always save us

I know I ain’t brave

Sometimes I think everything I’ve ever done is a mistake and everything I’ve accumulated is fake

What intangible quality have I acquired when I feel like I can’t have the things I desire?

My anger and anxiety could set the world on fire

But my, my, couldn’t I burn the image of my smile into the minds of every human being

If only I could just consistently do it

But tragedy befalls the beautiful dreamer if they never wake up

Only mourners follow and only to feel self important

In life my dreams may be nothing to the next man

Most don’t have time to try to understand

So feel amazing if you do find a soul out there that wants to celebrate birthdays with you

That wants to find a way to make everyday like the first

So random that it couldn’t be rehearsed

Crazy enough to make you feel so near and dear

Constantly performing magic to make relief reappear should life become a hurricane

Prelude to a kiss

Your words but a prelude to a kiss unlocking the door
inviting me into passion unleashed
at the climax of a fantasy
Fancy tickled
Smile stretched to an O
Limbs scattered
and it mattered about the time only because
we both were counting down to forever
but even that wouldn’t be enough to enjoy the suffix on the end of the word love
or the continuous action towards life’s satisfaction
after that one kiss

Intoxication

The mood changes
The sun begins to set as the night begins to unfold in slow motion
I’m dancing in my own little corner
The dim lights look amber on my skin
I’m glistening with sweat and you can see the droplets forming on my brow
Your stares wrap me up like folding arms and caress me with roaming hands
You bite your lip a little harder at the sight of every curve
I am just swaying to the music
Arms up lost in that warm liquor soaked air
The fabric of my dress pulls taut against my skin as I bend and sway
You lean forward on your elbows as you sit there with your mouth watering
Someone near me drops a glass
I jump back trying not to get my shoes wet
I feel a tingle down my back and look around
I find your eyes and walk over
You smell good I say
Your whole aura is intoxicating
Can I sit down?
I need to know your name
It should be desire but I’m sure your name will roll of my tongue eloquently
As you graciously kiss my hand after having whispered it to me