Late Admission

I was on IG today when I realized what’s going on

It hit me why I never erased your number from my phone

I loved you once

I was into you but the truth it pisses me off because I thought

I moved on from you

Swore I did

Ignored your phone calls to prove it

But still it’s like you parked your car on my heart and never moved it

As soon as I see you with somebody smiling, It hits me

I never made you smile like that

And it gets me

because I think maybe I never knew you

or maybe I’m missing out on the new you

So I’m parading around like I’m the new black

Heart heavy with feelings I’m trying hold back

Never expected to be hung up like that

but your face is a trigger

Making me act distracted like I had no reaction

Can’t give you the satisfaction though that smile pervades my private place

my personal space

Making vivid memories that won’t erase

My conscious remote

I press fast forward

My mind tries to move me

My heart needs a lawyer

It’s guilty as ever of betraying me

I never got over you Iike I tried to believe

A Desperation

To be human is to be desperate and I desperately need to be loved

I feel like the ignorance and hatefulness around me will swallow me up

So every morning I try harder even though it seems all the good slips further away

It could be all these rainy days making me long for warmth

It could be a viral sadness suffocating me slowly

But bottom line is I feel this desperation to live

I want a little more than existence

I want a little more than brief friendships and briefer courtships

Understand the salvation of a soul

Understand the tangle of a brilliant mind

Foggy, Exhausted, nearly wasted potential

It’s pathetic that holding hands is not a significant moment in most people’s lives

Much less realizing the extent of love for someone else before they’re gone