Maternal Struggle

We fight wars on borrowed lands
On borrowed time
With trembling hands
The tears, they fall
When death toll rolls
Seemingly defeated
Hearts broken
Resolve high
Still we march, as others remain seated
For no one will remember our names but God
Because soon all our sons will be gone

Advertisements

Success at Defeat

I really do want to be successful
Thoughts of failure paralyze me
Excuses continuously immobilize me
I become the loser that never started
The finish line seems impossible to reach
I tell others to keep trying but I don’t practice what I preach
I think what if I get started and I’m a little too slow?
What if I’m not as good as I think I am?
I’ve yet to try hard enough to know
I struggle with what I imagine others think of me
Really I should modify my thoughts of myself
I try to tear back the façade I put up
But I end up running back into hiding
Feeling there is no use in confiding in anyone
I am a self made island
I’m afraid of setting sail to a new world
Even though I really wish I could be successful

Signs of life

Life is all our dreams and nightmares

We never wake up until someone appears that cares

We never really live until we love

Even then we never know how truly majestic breathing is until we suffer

When we suffer, the arms that we fall into may lead us astray

But the love of a true friend could always save us

I know I ain’t brave

Sometimes I think everything I’ve ever done is a mistake and everything I’ve accumulated is fake

What intangible quality have I acquired when I feel like I can’t have the things I desire?

My anger and anxiety could set the world on fire

But my, my, couldn’t I burn the image of my smile into the minds of every human being

If only I could just consistently do it

But tragedy befalls the beautiful dreamer if they never wake up

Only mourners follow and only to feel self important

In life my dreams may be nothing to the next man

Most don’t have time to try to understand

So feel amazing if you do find a soul out there that wants to celebrate birthdays with you

That wants to find a way to make everyday like the first

So random that it couldn’t be rehearsed

Crazy enough to make you feel so near and dear

Constantly performing magic to make relief reappear should life become a hurricane

Just A Hug

I miss you even though you’re standing right there
We’re a million miles in separate directions leading to nowhere
We’re reaching out grabbing fists full of air
We’re reaching out because we don’t know what else to do

We’re seeking solace
Just need a piece
Just need contact
Not restless sleep

It’s definitely my fault
I let you go
You asked for love and I said no
I had your bags packed
I was so ready
Didn’t want reminders of you
But you were everywhere

Trying not to think of you
But you’re still standing there
A monolith that maidens hang flowers on
The picture of joy and gaiety
I want you to hate me
Because it haunts me
The truth
That you loved me and still do

Whatever wrongs there were
I can’t dwell on
What could’ve been makes me cry
Life was concrete and I fell on it
I played cool about it because I knew why

I put popularity over my happiness
I threw away forever for something temporary
And gratification was so instant that it was gone in an instant
And my craving was so insistent
I plowed through the beds of my choosing
If alcohol and sex were drugs
I was using

I was abusing
I was abused
I was damaged
I wanted to be used
I didn’t feel like a person
I thought it all had to be a dream
Or a nightmare where everyone was insincere and mean

You were in my corner
Even though I pierced your soul
You stood tall although I knew you couldn’t possibly be whole
Nobody compared

Silly me
I compared them all to you
And they failed
Miserably
And I put them all out of their misery
But of course having done that
There was no comfort for me
I was in a bad place
And you couldn’t save me

I had to save myself
And you couldn’t pay me to wrinkle time
I could never undo anything that was done anyway
We are who are because of it
And we know life is not a black cloud that we’re stuck in
Though it seems like we’re looking at each other from separate universes
And we’re reaching in
For us, just a hug would be amazing