Tears

There were dresses, the flowing ones

Pearls dangling like teardrops

Diamonds sparkling like the corners of my eyes

I held back the sobs

I leaned against the large window casting a shadow

I wouldn’t cry

Cold glass cooled my hot face

Someone told me I was beautiful

I smiled sadly

Someone grabbed my hands

We started dancing

We were twirling

I forgot for a minute

The handsome face of a foolish lover forfeited

I almost forgot that weight that pins me in place

The corners of my mouth turned up

One man saw a sneer

Another saw lust

What came out was a laugh

How could they know it was so I wouldn’t cry?

I couldn’t cry tears so I wore them

They shook as I threw my head back laughing

They dangled and were in no danger of falling

Grass Seemed Greener

There was green grass in that whisper

You said everything I wanted to hear

You were the switch I was the light fixture

But like all things you cost me something

I wish it was only money but you cost me time

Time I suddenly wanted back

The horizontal view of you was like a restaurant that cost a lot but never served enough food

Everything I heard from you was skewed

All I could think of was what you lacked

You were the punch line of all my friends’ jokes

I had no witty comebacks

I had plenty people saying come through

It was harder than hard to stay loyal to you

I try to remember what it was I had seen

Then I remember how I thought your grass was so green

Karma so beautiful

Karma so mean

Perception so tricky I was dead at the scene

Hit with something

Was it love or a bullet?

Going off halfcocked

So many people are foolish

In a hurry to end up waiting to exhale

To feel some cool air outside of living hell

Don’t rush, blow your fork, and chew your food, swallow

That person you think so great might not be tomorrow

Feel

Pasts full of things

Houses full of stuff

Monuments to the dust

Destinies we seek full of material lust

Because flesh is weak

Hearts close over time

Our spirits thrash about as we decay

We avoid pain and dull our minds

We become oblivious to the signs of life

We are computerized

We run on automatic

We wake up

We work

We suck up all our fears and insecurities

We sometimes forget what really matters

We sleep with depression

We sleep after exhaustion

We sleep until years have passed by and we are no longer who we used to be

Some of us want badly to leave a footprint, the rest don’t even walk

With memories we can’t delete and blood pumping instead of wires

We can feel

And if we can feel we can always feel better

The past and stuff doesn’t matter

That Getting Money Thing

Not everybody getting money

I’m not

But I got plenty people holding me down

Not everybody applauding me or calling me hot

But still I know I will gain ground

Days I cry silently wishing I could scream

I want to delete my Facebook, my Instagram

Swearing if I see one more meme

I’m gonna give up social media

Because all I see is people living my dreams

And I forget that some people are pretenders

And others have struggled to be where they are

I have to congratulate them to bring a note of positivity into my peripheral vision

I have to note that journeys in life are long but not never-ending

So I shouldn’t waste them just existing

Waiting for my day

Waiting for THE day

Didn’t somebody say seize the day?

 

I am chomping the bit

I want I want I need

I am grinding for that dime

But I feel like I’m working for a dime

I constantly feeling like I’m wasting my time

But I can’t hack into the great hourglass to accelerate my future

I must contend with my past and finally learn a lesson

Like counting my blessings instead of wishing and clicking, saving long lists like an obsession

I haven’t found what I love yet
I just realized that

Don’t judge my confession

 

I have it in my head that I need to settle down

I have this nagging voice in my head that tells me to be afraid

I have not figured things out

I am rational and not as brave as I’d like to be

But I’m done trying to be other people

Although I’m lost trying to find me

People ask what my plans are

I can only tell them what I might be

And I might say what I feel and people might not like me

But at least I’ll know I’m being real

 

And about that getting money thing

Who knows what’s in store?

It could be you and me just dandy with dimes that made dollars