Noise

The noise is so insistent

Time so unrepentant

It leaves me behind

I’m stuck in the past remembering a better time

There is no room in the present

I want to wedge myself in between what was and will be

I want to live but somehow I’m frozen

Aging at a standstill

Life passing by in a parade of fools

Fools that enjoy and lay waste to everything I wish I had

Mediocrity smiling in my face as it excels

I rot in anonymity

I sob inky tears onto white paper

I toil in gray with blue skies out of my reach

It’s like no summer ever happened

It’s like no love can ever save me

In silence I hope to find myself able to decipher my own misery

But the noise is so insistent

A sing – song voice on a merry-go-around

It mocks me

A stained tongue stuck out to taunt me

A deliberate gesture

An expression measured

A calculated slight

A jab to the ribs

Aggressively pushing me

I realize I’ve been moving reluctantly

An exaggerated pace

Blurred vision

An unsure face

I never recognized in the mirror

I was looking for what I’m not

I almost missed it

Life

So close to solid ground

So stable I never needed to fix it

So fascinated by the silence of a funeral procession because the noise was so insistent

There were those rooting for me to relax and live but I was trying too hard to be different

Leaving me the same as so many who are overwrought with blame

Dismissing wisdom as noise rebelliously

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