Falling

I’m falling

Flailing towards the bottom

Friends around I’ve got them

Turning like leaves in autumn

Ignoring my trail of tears that has surpassed my path

Not preventing me from laughing just to be laughing

Nothing is funny

My act is just intact

I’m excelling in class

Feeling like I’m still dead last

The world is too vast for me to imagine my future is not some narrow channel in time

 

The only thing sure is my future is mine

The choices are mine

And if you can fathom being stuck in a corner

Notebook and pen with no real prompt for your life to begin

You’re watching the party

No inclination to join in

Not sure you’ll ever have a reason to celebrate

Quite sure together is not a thing you can communicate

Especially when solitude is all you can relate to

 

Friendships pattern, a bunch of mistakes who keep popping up out of the woodworks

Reminding me of things that still hurt

I remember being naïve and believing words

Affected by people and things they’ve heard

I wasn’t even trying to be special

I hoped to disappear

Now I have to remind people that I’m here

Here in the flesh

Thrashing about

Making a mess

Sharing my feelings with people I’ve never met

Until the whole world knows the rhythm of my beating heart

 

Maybe then I will land

Perhaps even gently

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